Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Lean on Me

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight." ~ Proverbs 3: 5-6

This week is always the craziest in our household. For the last 18 years of my life, I've spent the week before Valentine's Day trying to find ways to help make it better, easier, etc. That's just what being married to a florist is about. Kerry doesn't ask for help - and he usually just pushes through all the stress that comes with a big holiday. But we added something else to the mix last year when we invited Billy to become a Smith. We added another guy who doesn't ask for help and who doesn't want to put anyone out.

I remember asking Billy if we needed to pick him up at the airport when he flew home on February 12th. We had just established that we were going to be his "real" parents, and he still insisted that he'd find a ride because he knew we were both working and that it was Valentine's Day weekend. He just couldn't bring himself to put us out because that's who he inherently is as a person:  that guy that never wants to inconvenience someone else. He never stopped to think we might WANT to pick him up because we were excited he was coming home. Or that not being given the chance to do it might hurt our feelings?

In remembering this story - during this crazy week - I began to wonder how many times I've done the same thing with God. I figure I'll just handle the little things myself. Why bother God? I mean, He has famines to solve and wars to protect. He doesn't have time to get me out of one more entanglement. So I just think to myself "I got this one" and muddle my way through the problem or dilemma.

I tell myself that I trust God. I identify Him as my Heavenly Father. But then my fierce independence kicks in and I just want to do it all myself. I won't allow Him to take care of me. Or I think my problems are just too petty. How many times have I hurt God's feelings by not giving Him the benefit of the doubt and trusting that He can take care of me better than I can take care of myself?

As we've travelled this new road with Billy, he has become more and more willing to let us do things for him. He's still obviously got the Smith independence, but he's come to see that leaning on us is sometimes mutually beneficial. It brings us closer together as a family.

Now if I can just do the same with God. I too need to be more willing.

Thanks, Billy, for unknowingly teaching me something about myself.