Wednesday, November 16, 2011

It's Just a Feeling..

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next.” ~~Gilda Radner.

Gosh. How many times in my life have I felt that way? Just wanted the perfect outcome to a situation. Wanted it tied up with a pretty little bow sitting on a special shelf in my memory. I guess I've learned over time that every ending is really just the beginning of something new. I have had to resign myself to the fact that life is messy. That means all that is left is dealing with the feelings that accompany that ending/new beginning. Some choose therapy. Others choose escape. Obviously, I choose words.

But have you ever wished for a special talent to express yourself? Some way to get your feelings out without having to SAY anything? It's one of my many wishes in be able to put my feelings out there and not have to explain them. Just to get them OUT for my own benefit.

I have always envied musicians their ability to show raw emotion without having to explain it. You can see it in they way play - and in their faces as they feel the music. They are able to express themselves so completely through their instrument. It's so pure. (Even when singers belt out some great lyrics, you can tell the ones that really touched them to the core. I sang my whole life, but I'm not sure I ever lost myself in song the way some do. I was too worried about someone listening!)

Painters and artists use their mediums as well. Sometimes just the stroke of a brush can show you where his or her mind was at the time of the painting.

It makes me jealous to be honest. I just want to be able to lose myself in music or song or art....get it all out. I think it'd be better than a good cry is to me sometimes. Because I could use it for all occasions! Not just the sad ones. A way to work out all those ending and beginning emotions....ahhh that would be so nice!

In the meantime, I guess you are stuck with my blogging about it.

Don't you feel lucky? ;)

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

True Story!

"Wisdom too often never comes, and so one ought not to reject it merely because it comes late"

Just thought I'd share a few words of wisdom I've picked up here and there...

headphones on, world off
Words to live by..

Tis true...

Friday, November 11, 2011

It's a Veteran thing.

“And when they have done their job, America must look after and honor its veterans.” ~ Adam Schiff

Happy 11/11/11!!  But more importantly - let's talk about Veteran's Day. A day that is near and dear to my heart. A day that reminds me of the sacrifices all our military men and women have made to keep us safe.

As the daughter of a Marine, the sister of a Marine, and of course the MOTHER of a Marine, granddaughter of an Army soldier and friend of many who have/will serve, I am not surprisingly emotional on Veteran's Day. Last year was a very tearful day for me because Billy was overseas for his marathon deployment. I woke this morning thinking that I would be so much better than before.

Then I walked into work and saw all the military memorabilia we have displayed for the students to see and found myself tearing up all over again.

I know I'm not the one that has endured all that rigorous training to serve our country. Nor am I the one that has had to be away from my family for long periods of time. And yet the pride I feel is over the moon. People I love and who love me have sacrificed for our country. (Besides, I can assure you that it is a sacrifice to have sleepless nights worrying about your child in Afghanistan! So that's reason to be proud, right?)

So - as a little tribute to my own sweet are a few of my favorite pictures of them...  Enjoy!

Homecoming May 2011

Dillas Game -Memorial Day 2011

My handsome daddy...
My baby brother, Chad!

My handsome Grandpa Dink

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Oh NO you didn't, girlfriend!

God save me from my friends - I can protect myself from my enemies.” ~ Proverb

I know I just talked about how great my "girls" are. You read that I love them so much - and that I can't live without them. Too bad I have to follow that love fest with a complaint about teenage girls and their lack of maturity.

Remember middle school? Come on...think hard. Mine involved a lot of mini skirts, Madonna-ish outfits, feathered hair, big bangs, crushes on boys....and lots of teenage angst over friend troubles. (I know many of you are reading this and lived through it with me.)

I think I escaped those years mostly unscathed thanks to really good friends who reminded me that the things which seemed "end of times" important would not matter in the grand scheme of life. Some of that even carried into college.

However, I have decided it's much harder to watch my own child go through it than it was to live through myself. Especially when your child is as tender hearted and caring as mine. She doesn't have the "chutzpah" of her sassy mother. She'll stand up for a friend but never stand up for herself. And she's softer and more careful in her actions. Even when she's all but acting like the spawn of Satan at home, she is respectful and kind in public. She's not perfect - but from my biased opinion - she's a fabulous girl who anyone would love to have as a friend.

That being said....We had a situation this week that darn near sent me over the edge. In fact, my blood pressure still elevates when I think about it. Apparently, the unwritten rule about dating your friends' exbeau now extends to 8th grade. And there seems to be no time limit on that....nor does the size of the school and/or group matter. It's just the rule. *I had no idea it started so early or that it was so urgent. I was quickly informed in a panicked phone call where Gracey was sobbing uncontrollably.

A girl who can loosely be defined as a friend decides to "date" (a term that loosely means text each other and sit next to each other at stuff occasionally) a boy Gracey once dated and "set free". She's not a BEST friend. She's not even a friend that hangs out with us regularly. But a friend nonetheless...according to the rules, I guess.  Fine.

I listen compassionately. Insert "I'm so sorry" and "I love you" along the way.  I give the lecture about it being middle school, advise her to STAY OUT OF THEIR BUSINESS, forbid her from offering advice to either person in the relationship and assure her that we won't be buying a wedding gift anytime soon for the happy couple.

All seems fine. I did my motherly part. Gracey cries herself to sleep but she pulls it together and moves on.

*Scene change:  School Pep Rally

During the pep rally, my baby is introduced with her swim team (you may now applaud) during which said couple from earlier scene is sitting together. Boy just sits there and girl CLEARLY gets snarky about Gracey. She gets this tacky look on her face, start commenting to another girl about MY child and just generally acts like most middle school girls act when they feel threatened. I'm sure it's perfectly acceptable behavior amongst 8th grade girls. They probably all do it at one time or another. Heck, I've probably done it.

And yet it took all the self control in my body not to climb those bleachers and take matters into my own hands.... I can't even describe incredibly angry that made me. It was serendipitous that I was standing in the perfect position to make eye contact with said girl as she nearly choked on her own tongue. I

Irrational ideas came to mind. I'm not going to lie. It was very difficult to function the rest of the day. And I am so thankful that Gracey had no clue it even occurred. (Hopefully she doesn't read my blog....) But I still haven't let it go completely. I'm hoping writing about it will help. Because little snarky girls CAN grow up to be big nice girls. I believe it. I've seen it. And I'll be praying for it.

In the meantime, I'll be picking out a few voodoo dolls for future use..... anyone have a good link to share?