Sunday, March 18, 2012

And then along came a girl....

I knew it would happen. *sniff*  Really. I did.

It's expected that Billy would eventually find a good girl that I'd approve of...and thereby become truly important. (Why do I have a feeling that I'm going to be in big trouble for this blog entry?)

You knew it would happen too. Heck - you probably saw it coming long before I did because those of you raising boys have been "boy moms" MUCH longer than I. Y'all have had years to prepare yourselves for the "girlfriend" phase. For the possibility that one of those girls along the way will be part of your family.

I haven't.  I'm a newbie. BA (before adoption) - I had a marginal influence on his choice of girls. I'd voice my opinion, and he'd just keep dating her.... then he'd have to return to tell me I was right. And I'd gloat. haha

I met a few whom he considered "potential wives" along the way; but, I definitely knew none of them were keepers. Some were cute. I guess. Most were skanky.... silly...ridiculous....unworthy...icky....

Oh. Sorry. I'm getting ahead of myself.  Let's just say none of them even came close to living up to the expectations I have for the girl who might someday bear my grandchildren. Or who will be an example to my perfectly precious girls.

But when one that I really like came along, I was ecstatic. Elated. Thrilled. Excited.

Altogether happy.

So why does part of me cringe and worry?? I find myself wavering between praying my oh-so-perfect son doesn't screw up this great opportunity and just being sad that my alpha girl days will most certainly come to an end sooner than later. Ridiculous, right?  I know.

I mean....I am thankful that my mother in law raised such a great man to pass off to me. And I'm thankful that she welcomed me with open arms and has always been so sweet to me. So I'm supposed to pay it forward with mine. It's a responsibility.

Don't get me wrong. This potential girl is great in every sense of the word. I love her already. She's smart. She has goals. She is pretty and sweet and honest. We seem to think and say the same things.  Heck, I'd date her! haha!  And my darling son is well aware that I'll be furious if he messes this chance up as he works the relationship puzzle. If it doesn't work, it has to be her fault and not his. ;)

Then there's that nagging realization that if they fall in love, his future decisions will all be based on what is best for him and his new family. Not his old, raggedy family...but his new, cute lovable one. The one he'll have for the rest of his life. That's great, right?

Of course it is. It's great. Especially if that cute, lovable family becomes part of the old, raggedy one - and brings gorgeous grandchildren. I'll eventually gain more than I'd ever lose.

Too bad it makes me melancholy. Maybe it's because it all seems so fast. Not having all those formative years has made me selfish. Made me want him all to myself until I'm ready to let go.... which is one day past NEVER.

*sigh* Ok. Time has nothing to do with it. Who am I kidding??? It's just a boy mom thing.

So there ya go. I'm not good at sharing. But I'll be doing my damnedest to improve. And it's given me a new appreciation for my mother in law and her feelings. I hope she hasn't felt as teary as I feel just CONSIDERING the future.

And this all leads me to wonder how I'll be with my perfect girls and their future husbands. Stay tuned. Thankfully I have many years to figure it out.

To end on a funny note, read this great blog entry about boys and moms. You'll crack up...

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Cloud of Witnesses

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, 
and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us" ~ Hebrews 12:1

One of my favorite songs in the whole world is "Cloud of Witnesses" by Mark Schultz. It poignantly reminds me of my childhood church friends and how closely we were raised together. We didn't always hang out together, and we didn't always even like each other. But we spent many waking hours together at the First Christian Church, and we knew we could count on each other. I believe we can still count on each other despite the decades and miles that have separated us.

These 2 fight like siblings..
Then there are the adults we were also raised with at the same time. The ones who taught our Sunday school lessons, took us on youth trips, and watched us grow up. They were always there for us, and always offered us sound advice. (My childhood choir minister and I reconnected on Facebook not too long ago. I swear I saw his name pop up and immediately felt like I was sitting in Fellowship Hall being directed in a musical!) Our friends' parents were like our own. We knew we could trust them - and probably still can today.

I know I harp on friendship a lot on here. It's obviously of huge importance to me. Except as I grow older, and my kids grow older, my perspective takes on a new shape because I see their cloud of witnesses being formed too. The people in their lives that they will always remember and to whom they can always go for sound advice. The ones who they will be able to go to when I'm not there to help them. Just like the people I have had in my life.

It's a great feeling to know that they are surrounded with people who love them, and who are willing to hold them accountable when we can't be there to do so.

Then there are the school friends..
 I get to see the friendships forming that will last their lifetimes. The deep, undeniable trust they have with those friends and the parents of those friends.

It just makes my heart smile. Their clouds are growing....and thereby, my cloud is growing too.

Then, on the flip side of that, I see the same relationships forming for the kids' friends with us. Our closest friends' kids easily think of us as second parents to them - just as ours think of their parents. We go places together - or just sit around and do nothing together. We attend the same church and have the same values. And we parent very similarly. It just makes our cloud a little cushier to know that we have such a great bond with such a great family.

Billy and his "other mother"
If it just stopped there, I could be undeniably thankful. But I can continue counting other families who are also amazing role models for our kids, and who are also part of their lives. This community of friends and their children at church, school and just in our daily lives.

Sorry to get all mushy. I guess I'm just overly thankful. Thankful that I still have my firm foundation from my past, and that my kids will be able to look back someday and see that they were given the same type foundation in theirs.

To that end, here are the lyrics for the song. I couldn't find a video of it, but it's worth it to google and listen to the whole thing.

These 2 are our mini-me girls..
Watched them running down the aisles
Children's time, Sunday morning
Preacher asks them who they love
They all smiled and started pointing
To their mom, dad, teacher from their kindergarten class
Each and every one, have just become

Cloud of witnesses
That would see them through the years
Cheer them with a smile
Pray them through the tears
Cloud of witnesses
That would see them to the end
Shower them with love that never ends
A cloud of witnesses

Stuck together through the years
Best of friends faith could foster
So When they found out one of them
Heard the news, he lost his father,
They ran to him, prayed and put their hands upon his head
Slowly one by one, have all become

Cloud of witnesses
As they sent above a prayer
Took hold of hands
Circled round a friend
Cloud of witnesses
With a faith just like a rock
Helped him give his father back to God
As a cloud of witnesses

So when it comes the time
Heaven calls, they'll come running
To see the ones who've gone before
Ran the race, and made the journey home
To find waiting for them at the finish line, cheering happily
They will run, they will see

Cloud of Witnesses
Lined up on a street of gold
As they run the final mile
That leads them to the throne
Cloud of Witnesses
They see God upon the throne
As they fall into His arms they know they're home
In a cloud of witnesses
Surrounded by a cloud of witnesses

Watched them running down the aisles

Children's time, Sunday morning