Sunday, August 8, 2010

Oh Mercy...

I feel a ramble coming, so I'm aplogizing up front for the tangents this entry may take.'s Sunday. How much I love Sundays is impossible to explain. They always bring back memories of being with my friends at church, lazy afternoon naps, trips to Walmart (lol) with Mindy and Cathy. (That was back before there was one on every corner. We had to drive 30 minutes to wander the aisles of beauty products!) It seems like I always learn something on Sunday - even if I'm not at church. It's like it's the day God uses to or out of the pew.

This Sunday we received an assignment from our Sunday School leader, Darrin. He gave us each a journal - and we are supposed to journal about various things we've discussed the last few weeks. First we have to pick a movie title that decribes our life. I, of course, haven't got a clue. I can name my favorite movies...but one to describe my life? Nope.  Maybe it's because all I can do is think of the struggle Jason is going through as he sits in his own movie. I'm a supporting actress in it - and I feel like I'm in my weakest role ever. His movie is fast-forwarding and all of us characters are all scrambling to fight the antagonist. And it seems as though I'm just standing by - in tears - not able to change anything. I'm on my knees every chance I get. I'm trying to live my life to its fullest and somehow beg God to let Jase do the same for many years to come. This unknown just overwhelms me - and I'm not the one with cancer! (Wow, I hate that word.) It's such an awful part of the movie. The stressful part. The part that makes it hard for me to see that this isn't it. There's more to the movie/ I'm skipping this assignment for now. Sorry Darrin!

Next we are supposed to journal about God's gift to us - as we are undeserving of the grace and mercy He has bestowed upon us. Ok. I can do that. I definitely don't deserve the love He has for me. And I'm definitely not good at forgiving others the way God forgives me. Take this morning for example: my wayward brother is on a tear. He is being hateful and ugly - literally out of the blue. I should be used to this. He's been like this for years. He's always trying to hurt someone. But I gave in and reacted. It felt SO GOOD for about 15 minutes. Then I realized that I'd done exactly what he wanted. I fought back - and didn't turn the other cheek. I've harderened my heart to him - and I have an unrelenting desire to not forgive him for anything every again.  Yet I claim to understand God's free gift to me? Ugh.  Gotta work on that.

The 3rd assignment is God's promise to rewrite our story. By allowing God into our lives, He can rewrite anything. None of the baggage of our past has to be carried forward. His mercies are new every morning. Wouldn't that be so awesome if we could do that too? Stop carrying the burden of our pasts around? Having people remind us of all the things we have/haven't done? Wow. Again - that brother I don't want to forgive....he is stuck in the past. He wants to remind us all of everything he can possibly think of to try to bring us down because that's where he lives: in all the bad choices he's made.  I, for one, don't want to do that. I want to wake every day knowing that God's grace is covering me - and that I am to extend that grace to others. I want my story re-written. I want to be the person God created me to be and not the person the world seems to think I am or should be.

And this week's lesson/assignment will be to write about our Genesis. What is our starting point? What does God want to lighten for me? That's my quest this week.........gotta find my Genesis. Let me know if you run across it because I'm feeling uninspired right now.

I'm still too busy trying to find a way to forgive my brother. *grumble grumble*


Dawn said...

Oh boy! Forgiveness can be a very tough thing. Just remember, forgiving is more for you than for the other person. It's freeing and like the verse, it is for freedom that Christ sets us free.

I sure hope you find your Genesis. =)

Dawn said...

Hi, it's me again. Ha!

I'm glad Randi talked you into blogging. I wish she would blog as well.

Anywho, I came back over to share this link with you. It will tell you how to add your email to your blog so that when you comment on someone's post they can just push reply from the email they got with your comment. This way they can awswer any questions you may leave or just a way to say thank you without having to come back to your blog post. I hope that makes sense.

I have it on mine, so if you reply to the emails you got from my comments I will get them. =) Hope that helps.

Dawn said...

I also added you to my blog roll. You may want to start a blog roll to keep up with blogs you want to follow consistently.

You can do that from the design page of your blog. It's usually on the right hand side, but you can move it around if you want it elsewhere.

You don't have to ask permission to add someone to your blog roll. It's a compliment to see your blog name/link on someone else's page.

Please feel free to aske me any questions if you have them.

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