Saturday, September 25, 2010

When the Storm Comes.....

I've been thinking about this one for a few days. Last Sunday, I caught a local minister's sermon on tv that struck a chord with me. He was talking about his experience of being in the midst of a hurricane and what they had to do to get out of it, etc.  That part was interesting - but what he said after telling his story is the thing I keep coming back to every day.  He said, "When the storm comes - and it WILL come - God will be there to bring you out."  (He may not have used those words - but it's close to that.)

 It's not a concept I've missed along the way. I know it to be true. I know that when we are weathering storms in our lives, God is the provider of comfort. And His guidance carries us through that storm even when we don't realize it until later.

 To live as though we are never going to experience fear or grief or failure  is foolish. But I think when something blindsides us, we are always surprised. At least I am.

This may not seem like a "storm" to you - but Billy's deployment has reached the 'difficult' stage for me. I guess I was living in this happy little bubble because he'd stayed in such close contact. He got on the boat - began floating around the world - and we just continued our daily conversations as if he still sat in his shop in North Carolina. Wow, this was going to be big deal at all! I can do this. I am Marine Mom - hear me roar!!

Nope. Didn't last.

 This week they have been in "River City" which means they keep very little communication open. Some have access to email, but most do not. And while I think I've still heard from Billy more than a lot of moms, it has been very hard. He can't tell me where they are - or what they are doing. But we know they aren't following the original plan. And I know that he's on a big fat aircraft carrier - and that they are safe.

Being a military mom isn't something I thought I'd ever experience. I've always carried around immense pride that my daddy is a Marine - and that my grandfather fought in World War II. Even when my brother went to Iraq - and it hit closer to home -  the main emotion I felt was pride. 

So this gut wrenching fear that comes over me sometimes feels like a storm brewing. It often consumes my thoughts to the point I quit focusing on anything else. I worry about him coming home changed from things he may or may not see. I worry about his sleeping in cramped quarters. I fret over him getting enough sleep.

For those of you that want to hear more about his deployment - here it is:
  •  It's fascinating to think about them floating across the globe - and it's frustrating because the amount of information we either get or can share is so limited. 
  • It's a badge of honor we all wear. I get to say "MY son is serving our country and is a Marine."  And it's an open wound just waiting to be bleed when I hear some song, see someone in uniform or read the news. (Go listen to Soldiers and Jesus...that one is the most recent one to get me...ugh.)
  • It's exciting to think of my child getting to experience places I'll never see. But it's terrifying to realize I can't get there to save him if he needs saving.
  • It's going to bed at night and feeling guilty that I have a soft, comfy bed to sleep in when I know he's cramped in a little bitty bunk stacked 3 or 4 high.
  • It's constantly thinking about what I can send in the next care package - and scouring the cards for something funny to send because the thought of him not getting any mail when they pass it out makes my stomach hurt.
  • It's knowing in my head that he's an adult, but feeling in my heart that he isn't old enough to do this!
  • It's incredible pride that he made this choice and has matured so much. That he's capable and ready - and that he's OURS.
So there ya go. A slow moving that I know I'll look back at next summer and say, "Wow! Thanks God! I didn't think I'd make it."

I'll leave you with this:  hug a mom whose son or daughter serves this country the next time you see her. You don't have to say anything. Just give her a hug.  I promise she needs it.


Kerry said...

I always find myself falling back on this when I think of Billy, when I worry about him; "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 I have to trust that He has great plans for Billy just like He had and still has planned for you and I.
And I give this one to you, Charee; "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10 Sometimes I take scripture so lightly, but I often stop myself and think how it's always been, it is solid, it is infallible. It's the one true thing we have to fall back on when everything else lets us down. He is always there, His hand is always on us. and even more, I believe, when we are scared, alone and standing in that "storm".
I love you. I love you.

Stephanie W. said...

I can so relate to everything you said. It's the littlest things that bring me to tears. This past week I had to attend a function on the base my hubby left from and just rounding the corner and seeing the spot where we said goodbye, made me cry. I refuse to go back there until it's time to bring him home!!! Billy is so lucky to have a wonderful family to support him and love him. It breaks my heart when I hear of the military members who get no mail, no packages, and have no one to call. Thankfully our support group does their best to support these people. God allows us all to go through these trials so that we can be a source of strength to someone else going through it down the road. I've found that to be true in every trial I've gone through. Stay strong, stay rooted in God's Word and absolutely don't let fear take over. It will take you to places you'll regret. Fear is my BIGGEST stronghold, but God is working on me in that area. I'm praying for you and your family and if you ever need anything please let me know. Love ya!

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