Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Hide your butt. Show your muffin.

“Anger is a momentary madness, so control your passion or it will control you.” 

I have pretty thick skin. I don't normally get my feelings hurt. In fact, I'm sure I hurt more feelings with my offhanded, smart britches, thoughtless comments than I ever get hurt by someone else's words or actions.

But my feelings have been hurt - and the best I way I know to deal with it today is to share it with the world. (Sorry - no juicy details. I'm not out to get revenge!)

Sometimes I'm annoying. Sometimes I'm demanding. And goodness knows I'm always sassy. But I hope I am rarely just out and out mean. I hope I don't lash out at others in a way that makes them miserable. Because when this person lashed out at me in the most thoughtless and angry way, it made me feel like crap. An unimportant, no good piece of doo. 

I keep wondering: To what end? 

Do you think it made the person feel better? Did it accomplish the goal that the outburst hoped to achieve? (If it was to alienate a friend and let her know that she's not worth consideration, then the short answer: YES.)

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

The good news is that it's really given me a chance to analyze my own temper and ways of dealing with things. Two major things I've learned came to mind immediately. They are:

Don't show your butt unless you really mean it.  In other words: I won't get snotty and rude with you unless I really mean it. My family and friends have heard me say this a million times. It's words I live by. Seriously! Unfortunately, I'm sure my family sees a lot more of my butt than anyone else...and that's wrong. I know it is.  But overall - I genuinely operate with this in mind. I will hold my temper in check - and I won't say something mean unless I really, really, REALLY mean every word. My offhanded comments I mentioned before....those are accidentals. I *get* how someone accidentally says something. But a comment you know is going to sting......the kind that leaves a mark you can't take back? Yep. I try REALLY hard not to throw those out.  And if I do - they aren't attacking. I don't call names (usually). And I don't scream.

"Sometimes the words aren't enough. Sometimes you need to offer a muffin." I learned this one from one of my favorite mentors, Mariwyn. She always taught us that you can't just profess to be "sorry" all the time. Anyone can apologize. It takes action to repair some of those damaging moments. (Muffin moments are often related more to those offhanded comments - but not always. I've had to show up with muffins for showing my butt too.)  Whether it's taking the time to drive to see the person face to face and give him or her a hug - or the delivery of a special gift - the muffin approach is always the right thing to do. A card, a Bitty Pie (you Amarillo peeps KNOW what I'm talking about), something funny only that person would name it. Anything counts as a muffin as long as it's offered with sincerity.

*sigh* Just don't get nasty. Don't be mean. And don't intentionally hurt the person's feelings with the meanest words in the meanest way possible. that I've reminded myself how I should treat others in moments of frustration, I hope it gives you a chance to think about your best tactics too. 

And if you want to know what doesn't work:  I could give you a GREAT example.

But I'm too nice. ;)


Betty & Crystal Cope said...

A good reminder Ms. Charee! Happy New Year!!!

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