Tuesday, August 28, 2012

I've Got Nothing

“The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing. The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.” 
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Where is ol' Emerson when we need him? Because I think I'm a fiddle out of tune ....

In fact, I'm feeling kinda frumpy and old today.....a little (LOT) fluffier than I'd like to be. My hair appointment is Friday, so I'm rocking some lovely gray roots. And when I just looked in the mirror, there was a 42 year old staring back with forehead lines, bags under her eyes and a bit of a melancholy expression.

Maybe it's because I have no little children anymore. Gracey started high school. Sadie started middle school. Billy is retiring from the Marines. I'm quickly getting to a place where my level of being needed will lessen. And while my friends and I joke about empty nests being so awesome, I think it's disconcerting to realize that all those years of care giving will be so different. We will actually do things want to do instead of things we must.

Or maybe it's because summer is over and the fun loving moments have wilted right alongside my garden. Fall is my favorite time, but this year I find myself kind of sad that my garden looks so dismal....and there are no more free afternoons to go to the pool or lake or take a trip. Now it's all about volleyball games and practicing, getting into a routine and trying to find someone to break my jaw so that it'll be wired shut to keep me from eating....

I don't know. I'm just in a funk. I want to be glamorous - and beautiful - and exciting. I want to have pretty skin with no wrinkles and luxurious hair with no gray. I'd just like to have a small waist and perky boobs.  (At this point I think I'd settle for a pedicure and some botox......that bad....)

Le sigh.

It begs the question: Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we beat ourselves up and refuse to find satisfaction? Goodness knows my life could be so much worse. I so rarely get like this....and it's disconcerting when I do. It's so "not Charee"...

So basically this post is exactly what the title says. Nothing.

I've got nothing.

Now....who wants to join me for a pity party cocktail? Or two?


KBoothman said...

Well,considering that I have one in college and 2 in middle school, I feel your pain. However, I won't have an empty nest for years because of my 3 yr old.
Hang in there Momma.....

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