Saturday, December 8, 2012

So Cool!

Everyone is like a butterfly, they start out ugly and awkward and then morph into beautiful graceful butterflies that everyone loves." ~ Drew Barrymore

Yes. I just quoted Drew Barrymore. Don't judge.

Now...on to the real reason I'm blogging after such a long hiatus:  the 14-year-old daughter in my house.

She thinks I'm cool. I mean, she doesn't ALWAYS think I'm cool. But she definitely thinks I'm cool in ways that she is NOT. She told me today that I can't possibly understand how nervous she is about having a boyfriend. And that I am a social butterfly, so I don't know how it feels to not know what to talk about with people.

Part of me was excited to know she thinks I'm cool. The other part of me did a herkie because I must BE cool. (I had to ask a cheerleader friend what the heck a herkie is, by the way. I'm really THAT uncool...) It made me almost believe that I've outgrown that awkward, painfully thin, frizzy-haired teenager that I was in middle school. Or that I don't still have that fearful bookworm who was too scared to ever let a boy know I liked him still hidden somewhere deep inside myself. The one who tripped over the air frequently - and fell flat on her butt in front of crowds.

After I celebrated silently, I confessed. I told her about my awkward teenage years. About never letting on that I liked a boy. About feeling like I never had to right clothes or shoes and wishing I could just lose myself in the library. About going to college and feeling like I'd just come in off the farm with hay stuck in my ears while all the other girls seemed so sure of themselves and so elegant in their perfect clothes.

She seemed a little relieved to know that I wasn't as confident as the adult I've become. Of course, it didn't ease her nerves at all. I just hope she at least saw a light at the end of her perceived awkward tunnel. (I'd give anything to be the brand of awkward that little blond headed, blue-eyed athlete is today!)

My sweet daughter's view of who I was growing up is one I think I encounter a lot. Because I hold myself confidently and am outspoken, there are those who think they know who I was before they met me. They see who I have become rather than the journey that brought me here. I'm still a complete bookworm. And if I were single again, I'd probably die alone because I could never let some guy know I liked him. And my hair is still super frizzy. I just learned to tame it! And......I still trip and fall. 

I'm even kind of proud of those things about me. They are the parts that make me who I am. I'm the one who roots for the underdog. The one who wants to help others in distress. The girl who cringes for others when they do something embarrassing.

But even with all of that said..... I love that she thinks I'm cool... for now. I'll cherish today's conversation and recall it next time she rolls her eyes at something I suggest she wear. ;)

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