Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Take It Off!

“I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, 
but you must eat it with naked fat people." ~ Anonymous

So, while I hesitate to discuss this because "putting it out there" somehow gives fodder to those who either want to offer advice or watch for failure, I will simply mention that I'm on a quest to eat cleaner, eat less and shed some of my VBF. (That's Visible Back Fat for those who aren't familiar with this very unfortunate affliction.) I tell you only to set the stage for what is sure to burn some calories and give you a fit of giggles. Stay with me...

While on my quest mentioned above, I have enlisted the only kind of REAL help I prefer...my friends. Wait. Wait. Wait.  Not ALL of my friends. I love and adore my health conscious friends. I do. But they aren't the ones I need when I'm just looking for someone to complain with - and to appreciate when I say, "I only took 1 bite of the donut! WOOT WOOT!" I can't deal with all of their suggestions, cheerleading (STOP THE CLAPPING) and very well-meaning advice about exercise, etc. I just can't. It's too much. 

No. I went to my friends with whom I have previously suffered through dieting. Those who have the same snarky attitude about it. And those who can laugh with me through the pain of making healthy choices. You know.... my "gurls" that have been with me through thick and thin - LITERALLY. (You know who you are....)

Kelly, one of the quickest witted people on the planet, was really my inspiration for this change of heart. I complained about my growing waistline, and she commiserated. Then she told me that she'd been working on herself, and that she'd love to have a buddy. 

She got me on the wagon.....pulled it a little.....added a blankie and a cute pony to dress it up...and, finally, delivered me the comedic goods to get me started. In the spirit of this friendship, I am going to share the comedy with you. (Don't go running to be her best friend after you read this either. She's MINE. ALL MINE...)

The story goes that a cubicle vacancy occurred at her office, and she wanted it. Not because her cubicle was undesirable, but because it was next to the "kitchen" cubicle where people brought snacks for all to enjoy. Kelly knew that if she was to succeed in shrinking her physique, she'd have to move.  When the normal channels didn't work for getting moved, she pulled out all the stops. 

She launched the "Changing Cubicle Campaign."  Below you will see just how she worked her magic.

It started on Monday.... using the only "art supplies" she could find in the "snack" cubicle...


When that didn't work, she moved onto Tuesday...

Then Wednesday..she got REALLY creative...


Thursday, she opted for sympathy....


At that point, someone took pity on Kelly and moved the snack cubicle. Then they added a new hire and took away the temptation for anyone to move it all back! WHEW! What a relief, right?

So there you have it.  We all have our battles. Mine is currently VBF. Kelly's was a food cubicle.

And so begins our journey of laughter, lettuce and lackluster eating.

I know. I know. You wish you could be me. Don't be that way. Jealousy is worse the VBF....






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