Mary Did You Know...

On Sunday, we heard a man in our church sing "Mary Did You Know."  I've heard that song a thousand and one times - and it's always made me feel emotional. But this year...it gave me pause. I don't know if it's because I am just really pensive this Christmas season, or if it was because this is the first year I've had a son. Either way, I sat there thinking about what a terrible Mary I would have made! God knew what he was doing when he picked her and not me to be Christ's mother!!

I'm sure I should have been focusing on Christ and his sacrifice for us. And I'd love to say that's what I thought. It would certainly be more noble than the fact that I sat in the pew considering the remarkable difference there is between sons and daughters.

My girls are definitely girly girls. They are nurturing and thoughtful. They will be fantastic wives and mothers someday because they care about people - and they want to care FOR people. They worry when I am sad - and they love to help me do things because they feel important.  But they don't seem to exhibit any major feelings of needing to protect me. Or take care of me necessarily. 

But Billy is different. He is equally thoughtful and caring. And he definitely cares about others too. But that's where the similarity ends. His desire to take care of me creates such a dichotomy because we each try to somehow fill the same role for each other. I "get it" now that the mother/son relationship is complicated. Because I, as his mother, want to care for him, nurture him, and make sure everything is good for him. Just like I do for the girls.  But he wants to do the same for me. He wants to take care of me - and protect me from anything bad. Because that's what men do. I see his desire to make everything "right" for me. Not please me or live up to my expectations - like the girls would be doing - but just make me happy in general. Plus make sure that I'm "ok".

And all of that leads me back to Mary. I've never really thought a WHOLE lot about her because I'm not sure I really felt much of a connection to her. I mean, I've considered her - and felt terrible for her - but never felt connected.  But this year, I guess I can more easily put myself in her shoes when I think about her. And it breaks my heart.

Not only did she have a son who she wanted to protect and love - and who I am sure felt the same about her. But she probably knew from the very beginning that he would suffer, and there was NOTHING she could do about it. And he knew that he had to suffer to save her (and all of mankind of course). Wow.

I think this Christmas I have even more of an appreciation for that mother who birthed her baby boy in a stable. Such a remarkable woman to an even more remarkable son. :)

Merry Christmas!