Losing My Cookies.. One Bite at a Time

“Sanity is a cozy lie.” ~ Susan Sontag

I had a nervous breakdown this morning. And before you start telling me all the reasons I have to be thankful and how all of my problems are really small in the grand scheme of life, I want to tell you that today my seemingly small problems were huge.

Huge enough for me to burst into tears. Gigantic enough for me to get angry and spew mean thoughts as I vented to a couple of my friends.  Humongous enough for me to want to crawl back in bed and not ever leave that warm, safe place.

They (my problems) looked something like this:

You see, we have spend thousands upon thousands of dollars on my daughter's teeth. Poor thing got the short end of the stick when it comes to dental luck. She had oral surgery at 4 to remove a supernumerary (extra) tooth that would have looked like a DQ cone right between her front teeth. Then she had a palate expander in 2nd grade... 1st set of braces in 3rd grade (because of said extra tooth causing the front tooth to grow in sideways even after removal), and a 2nd set of braces in middle/high school.... 

You get the picture. It's not been easy. In fact, it's been a long ordeal that has all finally ended with retainers. The last of the orthodontics. 

Ahhhh...blessed retainers. Just an itty bitty inconvenience that will keep those teeth straight. "Simple, small, plastic retainers are the easy part," I thought to myself when she clicked them onto her teeth.

THE VERY BANE OF MY EXISTENCE ARE THOSE RETAINERS.

Why the H**L do retainers have to be removable? I know..I know...teeth have to be brushed, etc. You can't just glue those stupid things to their teeth. So.....magically.... retainers become a lesson in responsibility and choices. 

As if a teenager needs one more item to keep up with and to manage. Forget learning to drive, homework, laundry, etc. Oh no...let's use up all our energy trying to keep up with TWO TINY PIECES OF CLEAR PLASTIC. But wait..not just keep up with. They must be inserted and removed multiple times a day for a variety of reasons and placed in a little case when not in use. Then that case has to be carried around and not lost as well. And when these precious commodities are lost, they aren't inexpensive to replace. Oh no... they have to be pricey. That plastic isn't just any old plastic. It's expensive, durable plastic. THE KIND THAT IS EASILY LOST apparently....

Does this sound like a recipe for disaster to you? Well, it was for us today.

I pride myself on holding it together when things go wrong. I don't freak out in most cases. I might get mouthy, but I am usually pretty calm in a pinch despite my somewhat reactionary personality.

Not today. Today I lost my cookies. I yelled at my daughter. I flipped out to my friends. I cried. I pouted. It was not pretty. And my poor husband began a frantic search on his day off work to try to find those lovely little plastic molds. It was almost more than I could take. I began thinking of all the things I could do to make my daughter pay for losing her retainers. Christmas was beginning to look bleak for her. The days of me not being a taxi service were extending out longer than I'd thought. 

It was ugly. Very ugly.

And then....Kerry called. What was lost now was found.  Those lovely little retainers had been oh-so-carefully placed in their nice little case and lovingly laid on MY nightstand. (Which if you know me at all, you know that is dangerous because of my book addiction and the stacks beside my bed.) Not lost at all. Simply a lapse in memory.

And now I sit in the emotional aftermath of this "small" drama. Documenting the saga of these lost retainers so that everyone else who has experienced it in his or her own life can feel a sense of camaraderie and hope.

I just hope that kind of stress burns calories. Because I think I deserve a silver lining... don't you?